Anything but pedestrian

Having worked for a cycling/walking advocacy group, it's not unusual to realize that I think about walking more than the average bear. That has been especially true since moving here.

London has some infrastructure that makes walking super simple:

Image from The National Archives; photo displayed at the Design Museum.

1. Zebra crossings (that's ZEH-bra, not ZEE-bra): crosswalks where the pedestrian ALWAYS has the right-of-way. A city bus will stop for you if you even sneeze in the general direction of a zebra crossing. 
2. Location of crosswalks: they're not in the middle of a sprawling intersection. They're usually just a bit down the street, making it so you only have to look one way to cross a couple lanes of traffic. Which leads me to...
3. Medians everywhere. You can cross half the street when it's safe, even if there are cars coming from the opposite direction. Saves you time and doesn't have to stop all of the traffic. 
4. Public subways: Not a New York subway (here that's the Underground or the Tube), nor a sandwich shop. A subway is simply an underground walkway. You find them crossing under the biggest, busiest traffic zones. Instead of waiting for four walk signals that aren't coordinated, you pop down a flight of stairs, walk along a hallway, usually adorned with eye-catching artwork or mosaics, then pop back up on the other side of the street. Only caveat is they aren't usually wheelchair-accessible unless they're built in conjunction with a Tube station. (Unfortunately that is a similar story around much of London, though that seems to be improving.)
5. IDGAF attitudes about jaywalking: You cross at your own risk, but you can cross anywhere. If you're in someone's way, you will know immediately!

London has some cultural norms that can make walking super frustrating:

1. There are millions of people.
2. If anyone yields at all in a head-on approach situation, no one knows if they should veer left or right. You'd think it would follow the road rules (so, veer to the left; opposite of the states where we veer to the right). But my guess is there are too many immigrants for that to stick -- if half of London's residents default to veering right that means it's a crap shoot which way you should pick. Do a little dance. Continue on your way.
3. It is apparently common to take up ALL OF THE SIDEWALK if you are walking with a friend. I don't know if they have personal bubble issues or what, but if there are two or more people, they will expand to block the entire sidewalk
4. #3 is sometimes just one person on a cell phone who zig-zags unpredictably. 
5. Sometimes the sidewalks are only the size of a bloated curb. 

Exhibit A: Ellen walking on the sidewalk.

Exhibit B: three people magically using up the entire space.

Exhibit C: London's parks are freakin' beautiful to walk through, especially right now!

Up is Off (Acclimating: Part 3)

Things I'm already snobby about and have embraced:

• Chip-and-pin credit cards. Seriously, chip-and-sign misses the whole point.
• Superior queuing skills, especially on escalators:

Stand on the right. Walk on the left. 

• Android/Google emojis

These emojis are DRUNK.

These are just ... surprisingly detailed.

Things I really thought I'd have the hang of by now:

• Light switches: Up is off. Down is on. My whole world is upside-down.
• Water taps are often separated hot/cold, and cold is on the left side of the sink. 
• Lightbulbs.
• Drivers in the front-right seat. I can handle cars on the left side of the road, but I startle a bit when it looks like they're driverless. 
• The metric system. This is the first time I've seen a deciliter used outside of a math problem.

Things that are just... different:

• Shopping small. Both at small stores and in small quantities. 
• Seeing the word "whilst" being used instead of "while".
• Social responsibility/shaming: our curbside recycling bags are clear "to tackle bad recycling". Oh, and also because if the rubbish collector sees something that can't be recycled, it will sit on your curb until the next trash day with a note about how you did it wrong. Tsk, tsk. 

Frickin' Lightbulbs

Let's have a chat about light.

I love light. I won a frickin' theater (theatre) award for it in high school. I'm sure you love light, too.

But friends, I have learned something:

America takes lightbulb simplicity for frickin' granted.

The Brits apparently didn't have enough to worry about somewhere around the time light bulbs began to be manufactured in bulk because they have three frickin' silver-bottom-options.

Base contact. Whatever. There's a normal-size screw, teeny-tiny screw and something that doesn't screw at all. (Screwed either way if it's me who's buying.)

Oh, and there are a million different wattages to choose from.

Yes I said A MILLION and I FRICKIN' MEANT IT. No one notices a difference between the 5- and the 7-watt "energy saving" (not "energy efficient") lightbulbs, Britain. I SAID NO ONE. But did that stop you from manufacturing bulbs in two-watt increments? NOOoooooo.

Plus they are frickin' expensive. I spent £10 -- that's FIFTEEN AMERICAN DOLLARS -- on TWO lightbulbs. You want to see what one looks like in my lamp? Here:

Aw, that looks nice, right? Nice, soft glow. Cute blue shade. THINK A-FRICKIN'-GAIN.

THE LIGHTBULB IS TOO TALL FOR MY FRICKIN' LAMP.

Oh, and then the lamp died. Just {poof!} stopped being a lamp. It was probably too embarrassed to be seen with this bulb. 

Beware of lightbulbs. And keep the frickin' receipt. 

(Oh, and in case you're wondering what happened to your friend Ellen and her sailor's mouth, I can assure you that a different f-word came out of my mouth upon seeing that adorable monstrosity of a lamp. But my mom makes up, like, 20% of my audience so I'm keeping it clean. For now. All bets are off if I have to buy more lightbulbs. I will sit in the frickin' dark.)

Straight Lines

Traveling from Point A to Point B in London isn't difficult. The public transportation is efficient and close to most of the popular points of interest. If you're here to visit, you'll get turned around a few times, but most likely you'll learn what tube station is nearest to you and you'll adapt from there. Or, you can use your tourist card — stress your American accent and laugh when Parliament is just three blocks behind you.

Fun fact: If you live here, the tube and buses won't get you everywhere you need to be.

Other fun fact: I am notoriously bad with directions.

That second statement is not to be confused with "I get frustrated when I'm lost." As long as I don't have anywhere to be (hello, funemployment!), I don't mind getting lost and finding my way home again. I'm a very visual person so the more information I can put into my eyeballs the better I'll be. And I can still wander around — London is big enough; I'm not going to run out of discoveries any time soon.

Many modern-ish cities in the US are built on a grid system. It's wonderful. Some cities even number their streets, so that with a little background info you know which direction you're walking. Look at Minneapolis. Beautiful, structured Minneapolis. You could map eighth-grade algebra equations on this grid:

But oh, London. London makes directions very difficult. London adheres to no woman's grid system. You cannot tame London's catty-wonkus streets. It's like the first urban planner wanted to be the hipster of the 1400s: "I say, ol' chap, how about that street follow the river, and those other five can branch out from a random square —any square will do — but not at right angles. Right angles are so... predictable."

You think you're walking in a straight line? You aren't. This street curves ever-so-slightly and now you're off by about 45 degrees.

You think that street will take you all the way to your destination? NOPE. There's a private garden smack in the middle and you have to choose: veer left or right? Trick question: it doesn't matter. Neither street will behave how you expect.

You think those streets are right next to each other? And that you just have to cross the street to continue in the same direction? Nice try! Those streets are separated by a seven-foot-high, one-foot-wide stone wall, and there's a four-foot-wide stairway to get to the other side!

Can YOU see the tiny, grey walking path on the map below, right below the "ge" in "Bay Tree Cottage"? Me either! But it indicates that little passageway!

Now of course, at this point in human history every phone has a built-in map with a blue dot pulsing its location. However, not all of them have international data. Plus, I don't want to bump around this town with my face in my phone. I want to look up and around!

I've tried memorizing landmark-specific directions. "Past the park, three blocks, turn right." But I fail to take note of whether I counted three blocks INCLUDING alleys, or just streets?

I've tried noting street names. HA. In the following screenshot, you'll notice:

• Salisbury Place continues east, to be called Bickenhall.
• Crawford Street changes to Paddington Street (which is not close to Paddington Station, nor does it lead you there).
• Kenrick Place continues south, now named Broadstone Place.
• Google labels the yellow road as "A501" but as a pedestrian, you'd only see "Marylebone."

So, yeah. Good luck with that.

I do feel this might be an issue that UK residents are aware of, especially after receiving the following directions to meet up for my bike tour to Stonehenge.

It was pretty much a straight line:

"Just... don't turn until you see the info center."
Centre.
Whatever.

So I'll take a bit of comfort knowing that I am not alone in this struggle, and that I have blissfully few places to be on any given day. 

And I'll leave 20 minutes early. Because I will get lost. 

Perhaps on purpose. 

Home Sweet Home (Details!)

As Britton chronicled in the previous post, we've found a flat and today was our first day "home!" I have to say, it's pretty stinking amazing. It's a basement flat, but it's super spacious, with a big kitchen and enough space for guests (hint, hint!) PLUS an adorable patio space.

First photos. Don't mind all those suitcases, they will be SO UNPACKED by tomorrow!

As you walk in the front door, to the left.

(Panorama in a clockwise direction)
(Luggage will soon be UNPACKED!)
(Did I mention we're UNPACKING?!)

Bed, door to the garden/patio, sliver of the kitchen in view.

View into the kitchen + stairs up to the bathroom.
(Stairs would lead to the rest of the house, but it's completely sealed.)
(Bathroom also very spacious!)

Patio space!! Imagine all the wine and tea and wine I'll drink here!

I submit yes. Yes it is the cutest block ever.

The location is super central to the things we like (Hyde Park, bike share stations, good food and beer). Britton is able to walk to work (just over 1.5 miles). The nearest tube station is Notting Hill Gate, which is on several lines, which will hopefully make any commute I can find pretty easy. There's a farmers market three blocks away every Saturday. And, oh yeah, it's adorable.

I am definitely excited to be in our full-time flat! I've already unpacked my suitcases, only to realize that we didn't pack any coat hangers (d'oh!) (but also, I never would've packed those in a million years) so my wonderful dresses are still rolled up waiting for sunshine.

We went shopping to pick up the basics (sheets, pillows, towels, TP) today and will fill in a few other gaps soon at IKEA! I am pumped to actually BUY something from that store, since the one in Merriam taunted me from the day it opened — too close to our move date for me to justify buying anything. I'm maybe too excited. :)

We got to shop for sheets today :D

However, the one thing we may have noticed a bit more now that we're living in it, is just how ... old ... it is. :) Old heaters, old range, old towel warmers (or, at least, I think that's what that rickety rack hanging over the heater in the bathroom is...?), kind of a musty smell to it in places. Nothing a little scent stick or quick googling session can't fix. Perhaps it's what a realtor might call "charm"? 

Can't wait for you to visit! Nifty IKEA couch-bed-thing coming soon! We already have house guests scheduled for September and December. The B&E B&B is filling up fast!