One of those moments

Just had one of those "how did I get here?" moments.

One of those moments you hear your parents or aunts and uncles say when you're a kid about how time flies. 

I'm sitting here, realizing that suddenly (seemingly) I have this awesome job and I pretty much got here myself which is something to really be proud of. 

Weird. 

When life gives you a roller coaster...

...you'd better hang on!

Life has this funny, mildly overwhelming way of sending you so many things at once that it's difficult to keep track.

Have you ever felt that way?

What am I asking, of course you have.

(Sidenote, I always tease my husband about how Reddit users will ask, "Am I the only one who... [does/makes whatever]" and the answer is always "NO." We're not alone in this big, inter-connected world. Someone is similar to you, and there are only two ways to wrap Super Nintendo control cords.)

Not the point.

The point is, life gets to you sometimes -- in good and bad ways -- and it's hard to reflect on it. Even when sad or bad things are happening, I try to step back and be grateful for the experience, for the opportunity to learn something. 

I started to cook and eat Paleo ("real," unprocessed food; no dairy, refined sugars, grains, or legumes). I did pretty well for the first week or so, but then I learned how quickly you can fall off any wagon. One little bite here or there and suddenly it's that I'm just "attempting" instead of "committing." Well, somehow I'd bet that won't yield the results I'd been dreaming of, especially considering the past weekend of entertaining guests and today's lunch with new co-workers. BUT. I have a menu and I'd like to stick to it! The food has been 80% delicious and 100% edible. So... fewer excuses to indulge and more voicing my food choices. Yeah.

Britton and I are both also in the process of starting a new job (me) or getting a new role at work (Britton) and we rarely see each other for more than a few hours at a time. We're still adjusting to being married, but we still want to come home to the other and just be together. Super wonderfulness.

Lots of other stuff is going on, too, (hence the roller coaster reference) and I'm happy to discuss if you're happy to listen.

Off to make Paleo pesto and maybe some zucchini pancakes. I like cooking.

Fun fact: "Roller coaster" in Spanish is "montaña rusa" or "Russian Mountain." What imagery!

Brussels Sprouts: Experimenting

I can't officially say that I like Brussels sprouts just yet. I've tried cooking them two nights in a row now, and they're just kinda... meh.

I've tried two preparations, both pretty similar.

Last night I cooked up some bacon in a skillet, then cooked the sprouts cut side down in the bacon grease. Bought some balsamic vinegar for dipping - should've been a home run, right?? But not quite. Still tasted ... meh.

Tonight I just halved them, tossed them in some olive oil and minced garlic, and let them cook for about 5 minutes. Then at the very end I sprinkled some parmesan mixed with oregano and thyme and tossed them around a bit more. Again, another combo that - for me - is almost guaranteed to be enjoyed, but I still didn't like the sprouts. Too... cabbage-y? They just didn't seem to have any specific flavor other than "blech." Not offensive enough for me to swear off of them forever. I'll still try some recipes. Especially because I still have, like, a pound of them left in the bag I bought from Costco.

So, veggie connoisseurs - what step am I missing? What makes that flavor fade into the delicious that most people seem to think surrounds a Brussels sprout?

On death and such

I've realized for most of my adult life how rare it is for someone my age to still have all four grandparents. And I've done my darndest to appreciate that, and experienced the stereotypical guilt that comes from realizing I haven't seen them in several weeks or months. I know that in this aspect of my life I am extremely fortunate.

However, because I am 26 and I haven't experienced any of this before, I feel really lost about it all. My grandpa ... well, when I visit him now I can see that he's the same Grandpa Pat, that he's there on the inside still but he can't always form the right words and he can't walk and it's all happening so fast.

And his heart is breaking.
And my heart is breaking.

And it can't be stopped. Dementia, old age, it's all a slow descent into ... ?

Two months ago he could scuffle around from his chair to the bathroom, he was having an entire conversation with me about where he grew up and the trouble he'd get in with his friends. He was eating Chinese food I had bought for him without much issue other than the occasional dropped cashew, and cashews are impossible to eat with a fork anyway, so who can really blame him for that? Nobody, that's who. Sure he was declining, but he was fine. He was just. fine.

But he wasn't. And he's not. And somewhere I know that that's true. But maybe if I just keep going back to visit, and make a point to let him get his words out, and tell him to try to skootch up in his wheelchair and to be nice to the nurses and to let him feed himself even if it's downright frustrating to let those apples fall off one more time, and figure out when he's doing physical therapy, surely there will be enough love and determination to fix it. To make him better so that we don't have to go through this anymore.

But even if it worked and there was enough love to pull him back and to fix him and to un-break his heart... that's not going to stop Death.

How does one keep living when there's no future to look forward to? What kind of mental shift does one have to go through to somehow be happy or at peace knowing that life from now on is this nursing home bed, and this flickering tv? That it's ending. And how does a loved one watch and participate?

Vegetable Conquest Follow-Through

It has dawned on me that I haven't been the best about continuing my conquest of the veggies.

Yes, I learned how to cook nearly 10 things but I haven't really integrated them into daily diets. That's like saying you're going to learn Italian and then only use it to say "we eat pizza!" (Wait, that was me, too...)

Anyway, a combination of things is motivating me into thinking a little healthier.

The first thing is that I am working out regularly which makes me feel good. I go to a CrossFit gym, usually 4 times each week. Those workouts have consistently worn me out and made me hurt, but I can feel the energy I have at 3pm when I would normally crash and consider coffee. I can feel the awesome muscle I have in my biceps! And abs! And other small changes have surprised me in the mirror - like, my underwear fits better. I realize how random and mildly inappropriate that might be to share, but tough tamales, it's the truth!

The second thing is the mildly cult-ish dietary encouragement that comes with CrossFit: The Paleo Diet. When I first heard about it I wrote it off as a little ridiculous. Atkins and South Beach and all the other super-fad diets had me skeptical. The gist of Paleo is to eat what would've been accessible during Paleolithic times - think caveman - so basically nothing that needs to be processed before you eat it. Lots of meat and veggies but no grains, sugar, or treated animal products like dairy.

But I love cheeeeese!

I was content with ignoring that part of CrossFit until my friend Amanda accepted a 45-day challenge to eat Paleo with a group from her gym. Seeing someone close to me attempt and be successful got me thinking a little more critically. I would like to lose a few extra inches, and she says she feels great on top of that, too.

The final thing is that Britton and I both lament about losing inches, or in his case slimming down the beer belly that is threatening to become a permanent fixture around his mid-section. I have pretty great self-esteem, so this isn't a "I really wanna lose three pounds!" situation. It's a realization that I look fine, but still have room to be thinner and healthier.

Here's the kicker though (and the thing that will probably always be the kicker to any diet I try): I'm not ambitious enough to go get the right ingredients and learn to cook in a brand new way. I just want meals made of things that are easy to access and prepare.

So. What to do then?

First step, starting ASAP: Substitute veggies whenever possible. Instead of spaghetti, spaghetti squash; instead of mashed potatoes, mashed cauliflower. When at a restaurant, opt for the veggie side instead of fries or chips. Once I started analyzing what I was eating, I realized it's not very balanced. Pasta is our go-to dish and rice is a close second, neither of which is "allowed" in Paleo since they're processed before you eat them. And carbalicious. But yeah, empty calories for the most part.

Second step, starting soonish: Add veggies to a meal and eat them first. AKA, reduce calorie intake from less healthy foods and up the good calories, etc., from fruits & veggies. If I would normally eat 7 ravioli pieces without anything else, I should add a veggie (like asparagus - super simple!) and only cook 4 or 5 pieces.

Oh, and stop eating when I'm full. That's a tough one for me. Food just tastes so good!

Possible future steps: 

• Learn the basic substitutions for eating Paleo fo' realz
• Buy pre-made Paleo meals from a local company so that I know I have healthy options to grab & go in the house
• Cook meals (paleo or not) at home for the week so I don't get stuck ordering lunch from somewhere unhealthy.
• Convince husband to support a Paleo diet
• Figure out what I want to eat at restaurants before we get there so I'm not tempted to order my usual go-tos, such as biscuits & gravy or mac n cheese.

Ultimate goal is to look good in a swimsuit this summer. And by good I mean better than last year.

Help keep me honest! If you're eating food with me, ask me about what I'm eating or how things are progressing. I won't mind (but I might admit to veering away from these guidelines)!

-e